Archive for February, 2010

Where’s Nickie? No eBay items! and Cash for Gold!

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

More misery in Mark the Cruster’s world. Nickie has not been seen at his store recently. I would guess that Nick is back on a stealing Jag, looking for more Jewelry for Mark to bust the diamonds out of and to melt. But, pretty boy nick has been missing for a few days.

You can always tell when Nick is missing, because the Crusters ebay listings all fall off with nothing new being listed. Mark is too retarded to do the ebay listings email, so when Nick is in the house, Mark has ebay listings.

I’m thinking that Mark needs to do large amounts of drugs to stay in his store by himself. Wearing a greasy Chicago Police cap and having 4 cats walking around with you in your store will not protect you.

Then there was the Cash for Gold place that opened up right next door to the Cruster. They had 2 people on either side of the street with BIG CASH FOR GOLD SIGNS directing customers into the new Cash for Gold store right next to the Crusters store. One of the spyies that we know that goes into Mark’s store to check up on him for us said that mark was just about besides himself pacing back and forth rubbing his greasy baseball cap and adjusting himself muttering over and over, “they are just like my sister.” Why the heck the Cruster thinks about his sister while he adjusts himself is something that we will probably never understand. Mark’s crusting sickness must have really messed up his mind.

I wonder where Gay Boy Nick has been?

Another Episode of Cruster Math and Bankrupcy

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Every so often we have to look at the Cruster’s ebay listings to see another fine example of Cruster Math.

Mark sold a pendent on ebay.

5.1 g of 14kt gold

and 1.33 ct of diamonds

5.1 grams of gold into the melters pot goes for $98.06 at todays prices.

Mark sold the piece of jewelery for $152.49

That means that Mark being a RETARDED idiot who will be out of business soon, SOLD 1.33 ct of diamonds for about $50 bucks. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND sells 1.33 ct of diamonds for $50 bucks. I’ll tell you who. A THIEF like the Cruster and GAY BOY NICK who STOLE the merchandise.

Mark is an idiot. If he had half a brain he would have figured out a way to sell the piece of jewelry for the $400 bucks it was worth.



Sunday, February 21st, 2010

The Easter Bitch will be going door to door looking for little children to give eggs to! If you walk into his church, it doesn’t smell that far off from eggs when the smell of cat piss is at bay! Have you ever wondered who is behind those ominous Easter Bunny suits? If we had X-Ray vision, the picture on Crustacean Quarterly Magazine is probably not far from the truth! Yes folks, when it comes to sissies, Fake Jewelry & Moans head pontiff could be in your neighborhood right now! You can’t run, you can’t hide, the Easter Bitch is coming to frackyour boys behind!! The only Easter Bunny with a Pez Dispenser full of Vicodin for the cold spring Easter day! (And another one loaded with 2mg Xanax for the nights (or any other time for that matter!)) You will usually find this particular rabbit taking off the furry boots that you see before you every hour or so to get the crust out of the pant legs. This is because it builds up about the calf’s and knees thus making it hard to sit which, as you may know, is required when trying to slice the back end of your kids pants open and sit him on the evil bunnies lap! If you see him taking off those boots and pouring what looks like snow out of each one, that means he has his target and will be hunting your neighborhood shortly! This variety of Rabbit practices the art of Feltching on the other 364 days of the year! The art of Feng Shui was just not cutting the mustard! If you want to know how to protect your neighborhood, take my advice and stash your kids somewhere away from your house! (While you’re at it, hide the cat, the dog, and the pet turtle too!) and for God’s sake, keep any and all Duct Tape out of sight! Feltching is a habit that dies hard and you don’t want your kid wrapped up in duct tape, shoved into a tube, and inserted into this bunnies ass! (Oh MY!)

If you have a gallon of gas and a shot gun, keep them close! If you hear the earie sound of what seems to mimic the sound of someone stepping on a few open boxes of corn flakes, and then seen the large blood shot eyes of this rabbit, throw the gas on his furr and shoot him thus igniting him into a large fire ball with floppy ears! (Make sure there is no kid hanging out of his ass first & Kids, Don’t try this at home!)

Yes folks, Large Game Hunting of the Markus Rabbit Ignoramus variety is not for the faint of heart! We hear at Midwest Monasteries thought we would make this public service announcement just in case one shows up in your area! As long as you remember not to panic and follow the above procedures, you will get through this with as few casualties as possible! If the Bunnie is hiding, calling his real name will sometimes get you a reaction that will distract him thus giving you time to get your kids to safety! Just yell… Markus Crustaceous Headus Giverous the III-rd. (twice removed from Rome and once from Nicky the Ghey Whores Arse!!). This has been a public service announcement by The Church of Timmy!

Armageddon in Marks the Cruster’s world

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Unfortunately, for Mark our little Cruster, the Cash for Gold store opened up right next door to Mark’s business.

Gone are the days of Mark being able to lie to people about the price for their gold when he attempts to steal it from them.

We already have Mark being too scared to make a gold purchase. Case and point when I sent my Minion into Mark’s store with a REAL gold chain to sell, but, Gay Boy Nick, figuring out that the guy was my Minion, screamed at Mark like a bitch that he worked for me, causing Mark to Crust and Flake and GIVE BACK the real gold to my minion screaming, “NOT FOR ME” over and over again until my minion left the store. But thats history.

Now we have no gold for Mark. Why would anybody walk into to Mark’s store, to see a 50 year old man with yellow crusting and flaking skin sitting behind a window wearing a greasy baseball hat and a leeering smile and a store that smells like a cat box due to the large number of cats on the premise instead of walking in to the new Cash for Gold establishment right next door, with a young hottie sitting at the desk offering to buy your gold. I think the young hottie will win out each time. But how is a cruster to eat?

First, the $22,000 worth of melted gold will not go far. When gay boy nickie spends $4900 of it at a sitting at a titty bar, in one sitting, a few more of those outings and mark the cruster has no cash. And believe me, Gay Boy Nick will need to maintain his depraved lifestyle, and without being able to steal from the Holy Goat, the cash will dry up fast.

Mark the Cruster flipped out about the new Cash for Gold place, and tried to do some business by purchasing a Sony laptop computer that some kid stole and brought into mark’s store. But, surprise suprise, the cops know all about Crusty the Fence and immediately contacted Mark and asked about why he purchased the Sony computer that was stolen, which the cops then came by and confiscated.

Its going to be really hard for mark to continue to pay is $1800 a rent when none of his stolen jewelry is selling on eBay, the Cash for Gold placed opened next door, and the cops are now going to ask about everything the Cruster and his Gay Boy Ward purchase.

Its not too late Mark. Suicide will set you free.

Whats the Cruster going to do

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

Watching the super bowl with my laptop, I thought I would check the Cruster’s ebay listings and see what kind of business he has been doing.

Hmmmm… NOTHING… well almost nothing. In the last week ALL of the Cruster’s stolen jewlery has gone off auction with NO BIDDERS… so sad… OVERPRICED crap with sucky pictures and completely bizare descriptions means no sales.

The only thing that Crusty sold in the last few weeks was a piece of Pewter for $10.49. THAT won’t pay his $1800 a month rent. LOL.

Lets do another quick exercise in Cruster Math:

Take a mens ring that has 7.1 grams of 14kt gold, which the full melt on the gold is $130.

Add a .25 ct. diamond in the middle, which, for those of you who are not jewelers, a .25 ct diamond is SO small that you might not even notice that the ring had a diamond in the center.

Lets not include the cut of the diamond. Is it a round brilliant? Is it a princess cut? who knows.

And lets keep the customer guessing. s1/s2? WHICH IS IT? and H/I? Wow, H/I is YELLOW.

So, who wants to buy a ring for $399 with a a nasty yellow chip of diamond in the middle that has a full melt value of the gold at $130? Apparently NOBODY because it did not sell.

Most people would take that piece of crap ring with a yellow tiny piece of chipped diamond and send it off to the smelter, but, not the crusters.

SO whats mark going to do? With Nick about to goto jail, and the cops breathing down on Marks neck for fencing stolen goods?

Its not going to be a good month for the Cruster. How is he going to pay his $1800 rent?

Remember this crusty: Suicide is Painless you crusting fool.

The Super Bowl, Pizza Hut, and Mark the Cruster

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

Watching the pregame for the Super Bowl, Mark has forever ruined Pizza Hut for me.

Each time there was a Pizza Hut commercial, they talked about your choice of Crust, and I thought of Mark the Cruster, sitting at home alone today flaking and crusting in his condo. Then I wanted to throw up.

How sad, Pizza Hut pizza with Mark crusting and flaking.

We have a video that we are getting ready to post of mark flaking, crusting, and adjusting himself. You can watch for yourself as his skin flakes off when mark gets into a dither.

Sniff the Glove Nickie

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Get Ready for Jail Nickie… SNIFF the Glove!