Archive for May, 2009

Nickie the Homo spaz is into Yarf!

Friday, May 29th, 2009

When I walked into Nickie new church a block from my Monestary, I found Mark and Nick Yarfing it up on the Alter. It was an abomination not sactioned by the Church or the Holy Father, and surely not by JW the Holy Goat. Here is Nickie’s picture. Nick and Mark will both ROAST IN HELL for this afront to God, Bennedict, Richard, and the Holy Goat.

its GLORIOUS!

Homo Nick is also into Yarfing

Homo Nick is also into Yarfing

Mark has a dictionary entry especially for him CRUSTING

Monday, May 25th, 2009

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crusting

crusting

One entry found.
Main Entry:
crust
Pronunciation:
\?kr?st\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Latin crusta; akin to Old English hr?se earth, Greek kryos icy cold, krystallos ice, crystal
Date:
14th century
1 a: the hardened exterior or surface part of bread b: a piece of this or of bread grown dry or hard2: the pastry cover of a pie3: a hard or brittle external coat or covering: as a: a hard surface layer (as of soil or snow) b: the outer part of a planet, moon, or asteroid composed essentially of crystalline rocks c: a deposit built up on the interior surface of a wine bottle during long aging d: an encrusting deposit of dried secretions or exudate ; especially : scab 4: gall, nerve

NEW SNACK PRODUCT TO HIT THE MARKET!!!

Sunday, May 24th, 2009

May 20th 2009: In the news… Frito Lay Corporation (NASDAQ: FRTO) today announced the most bold snack food to ever be created. They named this new style potato chip “CRUSTERS REVENGE”. It’s made almost entirely of Vicodin* & Xanax* with a little bit of grease and of course real potatoes.
The Xanax was added to “calm” the chip down since the method of cooking made for a chip was a little too stiff and reminded the inventor of his dead stuffed cat now sitting on top of his monitor at the the corporate headquarters. Crusters Revenge packs a massive & loud crusty crunch of which one taste tester** exclaimed… “Wow, this is one chip that you don’t want to eat in bed!!”. The ingredient Vicodin assures you that you can’t eat just one (and in the case of the inventor Mr. Mork Mook, you can’t just stop at 50 or 60 either!!!) Crusters Revenge will start shipping to stores worldwide in June of 2009.

*Shares of the pharmaceutical companies that manufacture Vicodin & Xanax were up 20% & 30% respectively on this latest news.

**In double blind taste tests Crusters Revenge is so crunchy that one of the testers that was being fed the chips by hand, bit the inventors fingers off by accidentally thinking it was one of the chips. Now that’s a crusty crunchy chip!

pha0163l1

May 22rd 2009: We just got a report on the Crusters new dog! He replaced the cat with Mans Best Friend. One of our loyal patrons sent us this picture…

morksdog1

Not surprisingly enough that the dog is bald & crusty but the Cruster may peel that 12 year old Chicago Police Baseball Cap that has been stuck to his head for the last decade and put it (stick it) on his new dog! I don’t think anyone would get it confused with any police dog that I have ever seen, how about you? I wonder if it crunches when you pet it? What if it sounded like a large bag of cheetos!?!? eewwwww!

May 23rd 2009: Our boy on the street just reported that the Cruster was out in front of the Church of Lake smoking a cigarette when he farted very loud. He reports that the sound was identical to a gerbil chewing his was through a box of Old Paso Extra Crunchy Taco Shells! Then he reached down his pants, grabbed that crusty twig he like to refer to as his dick, and pulled it to tuck it comfortably under his belt, that is, until 2 to 4 minutes when he did it again, and again, and again, and again. (Did I mention he does this every 2 minutes!?)

Mark the Cruster is going to freak out

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009

As you have learned reading the missive from Mark the Mook, foundly referred to as the Cruster, he has lots of mental problems.

He suffers from anxiety attacks and takes large quantities of xanax. He also as a skin desease that makes his skin turn red, crust and flake. When he gets nervous which he often does, he quivers and quakes which causes his crusting skin to flake off and create a little cloud of dead skin around him. Its really disgusting. Anyways…

He opened his new Church in the storefront once occupied by a dry cleaner, who had a plant on the premisis. If you look at google maps and do a street view, you see the BIG RED SIGN that says, CLEANERS”. The GLORIOUS part about this is that all of those dry cleaning chemicals are highly toxic, and they leak into the floor. The Cruster put his alter at the same location where the barrells of dry cleaning chemicals were stored. What is going to happen shortly to the Cruster, sitting right above the toxic fumes from the floor ALL DAY, he will develop a wheeze, followed by a cough, and then an amazing illness. I have also read that dry cleaning chemicals will cause his balls to fall off. That will be a crying shame for nick the homo.

It’s only a matter of time before the toxic chemicals get to him, which will cause him to die in agony like his putrified cat.

He will be crusting and shaking like a potato chip. SOON!

And just in case the cruster thinks that I am lying about his sitting with the toxic stink, check out the CDC warning on dry clearning chemicals.

http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/dryclean/

Mark the Crusters new place

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

The store is desolate. His Partner homo nick walks around in a thong, while the cruster sits in the window strumming his guitar and smoking cigarettes.

The store is empty, with cats galore. I thought that there was a city code that prohibited you from having cats in a place of business, but that does not appear to gave stopped mark from having 20 or so in his new business.

You have to stop in and see his dead cat, who has been pickeled, preserved and encased in pyrite. He created an alter with his dead stuffed cat on top, and continues to weep an pray over the dead pussy…

The store has a very second hand clothing type store feel. There was nobody in the store execept for the Cruster, Nick the Homo, and a VERY young boy who kept asking if I wanted any coffee.

Save me KIKI.

What will Mark the Cruster do when the cops come in?

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

When Markie was a Disciple of Timmy working at our Monestary, he didn’t like the cops.

On occasion the cops would come in, and he would hide in the sacristy and start shaking and crusting. He also developed a stutter when the cops asked him questions. And one time, he lied to the cops and they were about to arrest him.

I can hardly wait to see the fun of the Cruster having a full anxiety attack when the cops check out his new church.

When I walked over to see his new church, I found that he had cats wandering through the establishment. The church looked more like a second hand clothing store that smelled of a cat box rather then a sacred and holy place.

The Cruster must be possessed by nasty little devils.

The Cruster and Nick the HOMO opened a new church 1 block from my Monestary

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

On Friday, Richard the Heritic stopped by our Monestary for prayer and reflection. When he entered the Sacresty, he told us that The Cruster and his Homo Boy Ward, Nick the bondage boy opened a NEW CHURCH only 1 block from our Holy Monestary.

I quickly got into my Pope-mobile and took a ride over to see what there was to see. And there, in a very small store front with a hand lettered cardboard sign, they announced the forming of their new church.

Richard the Heritic told us that the Chrusters cat finally died, and, he kept the dead carcase on his kitchen table praying to that putrid beast for the obligatory 1 year mourning period, which now being over, enabled the Cruster to leave us house, and attempt to open a new Church new to my Monestary!

The storefront was dank. The carpeting checkered. The storefront EMPPTY. And there, standing in the window strumming a double necked guitar was the Chruster himself.

With all of the storefronts available in this area, the Cruster and his Homo Nick opening up a new church 1 block from the Monestary is proof positive that the Chrusting that afficts his hands has entered his brain and caused a rotting affect.

As the only true followers of Timmy and as an ordained Reverent of the Church of Timmy, we will all pray that the Cruster and his gay homo Nickie burn in hell for this attempted affront to the Glory of Timmy.

In the Name of Bennedict our Father, the Baby in the Son, and JW, the Holy Man Goat, AMEN!

This just in, JW’s wife is a PIG! We have PROOF

Thursday, May 14th, 2009
JW's wife is a REAL PIG!

JW's wife is a REAL PIG!

Are you gaggging over an unregulated loan business?

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
Don't GAG over an unregulated signature loan!

Don't GAG over an unregulated signature loan!

Don’t GAG over unregulated signature loans! Visit a licensed Pawn Broker!

Kiki the Gerbil will thank you for it!

Mark and Nickie's pet Gerbil Kiki

Mark and Nickie's pet Gerbil Kiki