Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category

Mark the Cruster having his building torn down

Friday, October 7th, 2011

I spoke with the village and they confirmed that the Curster received a certified letter in the mail telling him that his building is going to be destroyed to make way for a galactic interspace highway.    Well, it really is not a Vogon Constructor Fleet moving through his neighborhood, but the state is putting an overpass right through where is store is located and they will be tearing down his building.

And Crusty has received the certified letter, so he knows its going to happen.

I bet when he was reading it he was very itchy and flakey.  Like a potato chip.

But, does he do anything proactive to move?


There he sits every day, with a dim look in his eye, wearing that same greasy baseball cap, stone on drugs.

It kind of reminds me of that scene from Titanic, where the musicians move to the top deck and continue to play until the ship is under water.

Time is running out for the Cruster.  And we will keep track of his demise.

More bad news for Mark the Cruster

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Poor Mark.  When he opened his Church one block up the street from our Monestary, he thought he was being really smart and would receive the thytings of our members.

Nope.  Nobody stops in to visit the Cruster.

And, then, Armageddon in Mark’s world when Cash for Gold opened up next door.  How can a Cruster rob people when cash for gold is next door?  He can’t.

But, now the best insult to the cruster’s continued existence in this world has occurred.

The Cruster’s store is right behind a train track.  And near an intersection that goes across the train tracks.    Well, the Department of Transportation has approved creating an underpass at that intersection so that traffic can go under the train tracks.  This is because this train line has alot of freight trains that tie up traffic.

The project was approved last month.  And get ready for it.

They are going to tear down the cruster’s building.

DESTROYED.  Bull dozed to make way for an entry ramp to the underpass.

Poor Mark.  He doesn’t own the building. He has a lease.  So while the landlord may receive some compensati0n fon the eminient domain grabbing of his building, Mark is going to be left with NOTHING.  Zip.  NIL.  Bupkiss.

I can’t wait until he learns of this project and the demise of his business.  It will be GLORIOUS!

Misery and Mark the Cruster

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

It seems that Mark the Cruster fired Gay Boy Nick again.   There are a couple of ways you can tell.  One is that the Cruster has no listings on ebay because he’s too stupid to post them, and the other is that you dont see Ghey boy Nick hanging around the store.  Both have occurred.  AGAIN.

We know a guy that is friends with Nick’s dad.  Apprently Mark the Curster fired Nick for stealing AGAIN, and now Nick just lays in bed in his bedroom taking anti-psychotic drugs.  What a nice life for Nick.

But, back to the Cruster… How does he stay in business?  How does he pay his rent?  He has no customers.  And right next door to his business is a cash for gold place taking all of his customers.

Its only a matter of time before the Cruster is out of business.  We will continue to watch and post about it.

Where’s Nickie? No eBay items! and Cash for Gold!

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

More misery in Mark the Cruster’s world. Nickie has not been seen at his store recently. I would guess that Nick is back on a stealing Jag, looking for more Jewelry for Mark to bust the diamonds out of and to melt. But, pretty boy nick has been missing for a few days.

You can always tell when Nick is missing, because the Crusters ebay listings all fall off with nothing new being listed. Mark is too retarded to do the ebay listings email, so when Nick is in the house, Mark has ebay listings.

I’m thinking that Mark needs to do large amounts of drugs to stay in his store by himself. Wearing a greasy Chicago Police cap and having 4 cats walking around with you in your store will not protect you.

Then there was the Cash for Gold place that opened up right next door to the Cruster. They had 2 people on either side of the street with BIG CASH FOR GOLD SIGNS directing customers into the new Cash for Gold store right next to the Crusters store. One of the spyies that we know that goes into Mark’s store to check up on him for us said that mark was just about besides himself pacing back and forth rubbing his greasy baseball cap and adjusting himself muttering over and over, “they are just like my sister.” Why the heck the Cruster thinks about his sister while he adjusts himself is something that we will probably never understand. Mark’s crusting sickness must have really messed up his mind.

I wonder where Gay Boy Nick has been?


Sunday, February 21st, 2010

The Easter Bitch will be going door to door looking for little children to give eggs to! If you walk into his church, it doesn’t smell that far off from eggs when the smell of cat piss is at bay! Have you ever wondered who is behind those ominous Easter Bunny suits? If we had X-Ray vision, the picture on Crustacean Quarterly Magazine is probably not far from the truth! Yes folks, when it comes to sissies, Fake Jewelry & Moans head pontiff could be in your neighborhood right now! You can’t run, you can’t hide, the Easter Bitch is coming to frackyour boys behind!! The only Easter Bunny with a Pez Dispenser full of Vicodin for the cold spring Easter day! (And another one loaded with 2mg Xanax for the nights (or any other time for that matter!)) You will usually find this particular rabbit taking off the furry boots that you see before you every hour or so to get the crust out of the pant legs. This is because it builds up about the calf’s and knees thus making it hard to sit which, as you may know, is required when trying to slice the back end of your kids pants open and sit him on the evil bunnies lap! If you see him taking off those boots and pouring what looks like snow out of each one, that means he has his target and will be hunting your neighborhood shortly! This variety of Rabbit practices the art of Feltching on the other 364 days of the year! The art of Feng Shui was just not cutting the mustard! If you want to know how to protect your neighborhood, take my advice and stash your kids somewhere away from your house! (While you’re at it, hide the cat, the dog, and the pet turtle too!) and for God’s sake, keep any and all Duct Tape out of sight! Feltching is a habit that dies hard and you don’t want your kid wrapped up in duct tape, shoved into a tube, and inserted into this bunnies ass! (Oh MY!)

If you have a gallon of gas and a shot gun, keep them close! If you hear the earie sound of what seems to mimic the sound of someone stepping on a few open boxes of corn flakes, and then seen the large blood shot eyes of this rabbit, throw the gas on his furr and shoot him thus igniting him into a large fire ball with floppy ears! (Make sure there is no kid hanging out of his ass first & Kids, Don’t try this at home!)

Yes folks, Large Game Hunting of the Markus Rabbit Ignoramus variety is not for the faint of heart! We hear at Midwest Monasteries thought we would make this public service announcement just in case one shows up in your area! As long as you remember not to panic and follow the above procedures, you will get through this with as few casualties as possible! If the Bunnie is hiding, calling his real name will sometimes get you a reaction that will distract him thus giving you time to get your kids to safety! Just yell… Markus Crustaceous Headus Giverous the III-rd. (twice removed from Rome and once from Nicky the Ghey Whores Arse!!). This has been a public service announcement by The Church of Timmy!

Stolen Jewelry, worthless diamonds and another case of Cruster Math

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

When we last left off with Mark and Nick waiting for Armageddon to rain down on their pathetic little world, I would like to talk about stolen jewelry, diamonds and another lesson in Cruster Math.

Mark the Cruster never graduated from High School. He dropped out of High School as a Sophmore, and worked at the pawn shop his brother owns, sitting in the fron of the store behind a display case, pretending to read the paper by looking at the pictures, since he can’t read very well, and then, when the other owner wanted coffee, donuts, lunch, smokes, or anything else, Mark the Crusting Biatch would run the errand, return with the items, and then sit back down behind the couter and pretend to read the paper some more. Mark sat in the same smelly chair pretending to read the newspaper for TEN YEARS wearing that same greasy baseaball cap. Mark doesn’t bathe regularly so that chair was ripe with CRUST. yuk.

Well, diamonds have value. Everybody knows that. When you go into the Mall Jewelry store, diamonds are VERY expensive. The Rapport Report puts out a price guide ever week on the cost per ct. of diamonds by size.

But, Mark and Nick STOLE $29,000 worth of jewelry from the Holy Goat. But, y0u can’t really have a bunch of stolen rings sitting around. So mark and nick took the beautiful trays of jewelry, stripped out the diamonds, and sold off the gold to a guy who melts it down. The street value for the jewelry was about $49,000 before mark and nick stripped out all the diamonds, and got their paultry $22,000 in cash for the gold. Nick gave Mark the money to pay his bills since his buiness does no busienss but, that will only work for so long.

In the meantime, Mark took 11 ct. of diamonds that he stripped from jewelry he stipped and SOLD it on ebay. In the Jewelry, thoses diamonds were worth tens of thousands of dollars. But, we have to go back to Cruster Math.

Take $10,000 of diamonds, strip them out of jewelry to an 11 ct. bag, and sell the 11 ct. bag of precious diamonds on ebay for $22 per ct. Yes TWENTY-TWO dollars a ct. If it wasn’t so sick and pathetic, it would be too funny.

Its only a matter of time. Mark the Cruster will get his, as armegeddon approachs, and nick, well, he will very soon be explaining to bubba in his cell, his expoits as Nick as on all fours, nekkid, wearin a dog collar and sniffing a black leather glove.

OMG. TOO fun.


Sunday, January 17th, 2010


Hmmm, it seems that Mr. King would have even been insulted by this crusting fools selection of Timmy Diamonds and Crustacean Friendly Fodder!

Nick and Mark are both idiots and devoid of cash

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

Mark has no business . His store is always empty. He reports doing virtually no legal business. Fencing merchandise from the Holy Goat will only go so far, because that will get the Cruster shut down.

Nick on the other hand, appeared to have a good gig. He was hustling jewelry and making thousands of dollars a week doing it. But, then he stole $29K worth of Jewelry and then the police report that he went to a Titty Bar with a buddy and spent $5000.00!!! Damn! You could get blown every day for a year for that kind of money! $4000.00 in ill gotten cash from the fencing of jewelry he stole and that the cruster is hocking for him but then, it’s reported that Nick is 49% owner of the church! That alone is gonna make for an interesting discussion when the Judge imposes sentence on both of them!

After spending the $4000.00 he still owed approx. $1000.00 more!!! So, he did what any Ghey Whore would do…He charged it on a Stolen Credit Card!! Yes, the Ole’ American Express! Membership has it’s privledges and it’s obvious they mean the local Whore/Titty bars in Wisconsin as well! If I was Mark and Nick, I would pay special attention to Jan 7th. 2010! That and the few following days will be etched into your minds for the rest of your lives. I assure you that you will never forget January 2010 for as long as you both shall live!

The Cruster and the 1.01 ct diamond that Nick Stole!

Friday, December 18th, 2009

The cops are closing in on Mark the Cruster.

Nick and Mark are partners. Nick stole $29K of Jewelry from the Holy Goat. Mark the Cruster was fencing the stolen jewelryu at his store.

JW called up the Cruster and asked if he got any Jewelry from Nickie. Get this. Mark ADMITS that Nickie gave Markie a 1.01 ct diamond that Nick said he got from an estate. Right. Nick stole the diamond from JW. And Mark ADMITTED that he had it. In fact, he gave it back to the Holy Goat.

Now, possessing STOLEN merchadise is against the law Markie. Thats right. The cops are on to you. And should be arriving shortly to discuss why you had stolen merchandise in your store.

All you can do is 1) admit that your partners with Nicke and you had the stolen merchandise or 2) drop a dime on Nickie so he gets arrested.

Either way Markie; your screwed. You know that when they put you in a cell in the Jail with big Black Bubba, they won’t let you wear your greasy baseball cap, and Bubba is gonna rub your bald head.

And as for Nickie, well, he got a perty mouth.

<queue the banjo music from deliverance>

Happy Birthday Mark the Cruster!

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

Today is the Cruster’s Birthday! Mark is 56 years old TODAY! Bald! Crusting, and having a new malady to suffer through. Incontenience. Thats right. Mark on his 56th birthday now has to wear Depends Adult Diapers.

What a sad state of affairs for Mark. Alone. No Money. No Future. No Hair. And an inability to keep from filling his adult diapers with Crap.

And we have a VERYspecial birthday present for Markie. Hey Mark. Walk outside your store today. Turn Left. Look up the street at the LARGE Bill Board, right across the street from your store. And Behold the GLORY of TIMMY!

Lets go on record predicting that Mark the Cruster will not be in his store this time next year.

He will either be bankrupt, or dead by Suicide.

Happy Birthday Markie! You ARE the Cruster!