Archive for the ‘suicide’ Category

The Super Bowl, Pizza Hut, and Mark the Cruster

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

Watching the pregame for the Super Bowl, Mark has forever ruined Pizza Hut for me.

Each time there was a Pizza Hut commercial, they talked about your choice of Crust, and I thought of Mark the Cruster, sitting at home alone today flaking and crusting in his condo. Then I wanted to throw up.

How sad, Pizza Hut pizza with Mark crusting and flaking.

We have a video that we are getting ready to post of mark flaking, crusting, and adjusting himself. You can watch for yourself as his skin flakes off when mark gets into a dither.

Stolen Jewelry, worthless diamonds and another case of Cruster Math

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

When we last left off with Mark and Nick waiting for Armageddon to rain down on their pathetic little world, I would like to talk about stolen jewelry, diamonds and another lesson in Cruster Math.

Mark the Cruster never graduated from High School. He dropped out of High School as a Sophmore, and worked at the pawn shop his brother owns, sitting in the fron of the store behind a display case, pretending to read the paper by looking at the pictures, since he can’t read very well, and then, when the other owner wanted coffee, donuts, lunch, smokes, or anything else, Mark the Crusting Biatch would run the errand, return with the items, and then sit back down behind the couter and pretend to read the paper some more. Mark sat in the same smelly chair pretending to read the newspaper for TEN YEARS wearing that same greasy baseaball cap. Mark doesn’t bathe regularly so that chair was ripe with CRUST. yuk.

Well, diamonds have value. Everybody knows that. When you go into the Mall Jewelry store, diamonds are VERY expensive. The Rapport Report puts out a price guide ever week on the cost per ct. of diamonds by size.

But, Mark and Nick STOLE $29,000 worth of jewelry from the Holy Goat. But, y0u can’t really have a bunch of stolen rings sitting around. So mark and nick took the beautiful trays of jewelry, stripped out the diamonds, and sold off the gold to a guy who melts it down. The street value for the jewelry was about $49,000 before mark and nick stripped out all the diamonds, and got their paultry $22,000 in cash for the gold. Nick gave Mark the money to pay his bills since his buiness does no busienss but, that will only work for so long.

In the meantime, Mark took 11 ct. of diamonds that he stripped from jewelry he stipped and SOLD it on ebay. In the Jewelry, thoses diamonds were worth tens of thousands of dollars. But, we have to go back to Cruster Math.

Take $10,000 of diamonds, strip them out of jewelry to an 11 ct. bag, and sell the 11 ct. bag of precious diamonds on ebay for $22 per ct. Yes TWENTY-TWO dollars a ct. If it wasn’t so sick and pathetic, it would be too funny.

Its only a matter of time. Mark the Cruster will get his, as armegeddon approachs, and nick, well, he will very soon be explaining to bubba in his cell, his expoits as Nick as on all fours, nekkid, wearin a dog collar and sniffing a black leather glove.

OMG. TOO fun.

Crusty’s House of Hock

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Things are very pathetic over at Crusty’s House of Hock. He started listing stuff again on ebay. Lets enjoy his ebay listing together.

Up for auction is this Mans 14K White Gold Beautiful Princess cut Diamond ring,weighing in at 7.31 grams & is a size 10 3/4… The Center Diamond Measures out with our mm gauge to be (approx) .75ct ,Over 1 Carat with all of the accent diamonds surrounding .The Princess diamond is eye clean ,but has a noticable feather off to the side nearing the center under 10X power loupe. Unless someone walks around with a jewelers loupe you can not see it ,That being said we grade this at Si3 -K color! Look at the pics and see wether or not this for you, at the price we sell our goods at, it is or will be a bargain for you ! As always U.S.A sales Only ,NO ZERO bidders & No P.o boxes ,We have the right to retract any bid any time for any reason .. Thanks for looking

What the heck is an SI3 diamond? According to GIA, the Diamond Grading Experts, there is no such thing as a SI3 Diamond. Here is what GIA says.

Bill Boyajian, President of GIA, wrote the following letter to Jewelers

An eyewitness account of the Cruster’s party

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

After a long hard night of prayer I find myself sleeping until I get a call from the Holy Father himself! Thinking this was important, I woke up and took the call. I received instructions to go to the crusters church and take some pictures of, if you believe some reports from an ex-choir boy of his, a “Big Promotion” going on to gain exposure and thus have more donations rolling in.

Now, far be it from me to ever think that this new church would, or ever could affect us negatively in any way, I thought it may be fun to go see the festivities first hand! So the Mother Superior and myself got some rather pricey Digital SLR camera equipment that was at our Church and headed down the 2000 foot drive. I know what you’re thinking…”What kind of a moron opens a church of the same faith a two blocks away from another church!?”

We saw a small red tent and balloons/streamers, and some signs too! OH WAIT! That was the Tire place 300 feet away from the crusters church! When we rolled up to the crusters place ,we saw a 10 year old boy holding up a sign with letters that were too small to read while standing just 75 feet from him! Yep, we must be at the crusters since using children is a specialty of crusty and proven upon the last two girls that were holding signs there just a week prior! Upon making the turn, Mother Superior locked eyes with the cruster himself and she almost jumped out of her Habit whilst laughing and even funnier, the cruster almost jumped out of his “Habit” too but we all know his habit isn’t anything clothing related but rather Pharmaceutical related!

There was a Chicago Eatery serving BBQ there. Their name is Hokey’s BBQ. You see, we learned that the radio station C69 had a meet and greet a famous girl named Siley Myrus and that if you bought something there, you would register to win tickets to meet and greet this girl. Of course this is less than lame since who wants to meet some 16 year old kid that’s on TV unless you are a 9-15 year old kid that’s not! Well, it looked like 5 kids without parents were there eating free BBQ and 3 parent of kids ranging from 6 to 11 years old showed up and each of them spending no more than 45 seconds in the church until they came running back out to their cars.

The cruster was sneaking out the back door to smoke what could have been a variety of herbs or leafy items. The DJ’s looked so bored that they were out of the church for about the 1st full hour and just returning to the church with the same empty pews as before they left. No one made a donation at all. After the first hour, even the little band of 5 kids that were in the front decided to leave and check out the tire promo! You would think that someone would have put something out there to at least tell people that the church was open for donations today!

That 10 year old boy held the sign for a total of 4 minutes and then dropped it and ran inside. It must be Choir practice time and the cruster doesn’t want anyone late or they have to play 7 minutes in Heaven with him in one of the confessionals and that doesn’t sound fun with a 43 year old cruster that, if that police hat ever gets detached from the grease holding it in his hair, would be the spitting image of Capt’n Crunch (Minus the blue sailor suit of course!).

We have a host of pictures that will be posted to show everyone of our faithful readers on how the crusters business strategy works out! That church should be condemned since with no donations, no employees, no faithful followers, no listings in any phone books, no money, no parking, no access to the entrance, & no security it’s just a empty building with a crunchy father that is already out of business and everyone knows it except for the cruster!

Harvard business school will want to do a documentary on this escapade to teach their students on everything of what NOT to do in business to assure a successful future! Oh…I almost forgot… He had security there! Yep! He had some rube in black pants and a blue jacket with what looked like a pined on 5 point start that was about 2 inches in diameter and looked like it was made of felt and pasted on to the jacket. He stopped to photograph Mother Superior himself ! The only problem is that he isn’t any brighter than the cruster since we were 1500 feet away from them with a 500mm zoom lens on a Nikon SLR and he had… his Samsung Cell Phone! Yeah, that’s gonna work REAL well! lol. Security guy, if you’re reading this, we are the 4th spec over from the furthest light pole across the street….or….it could be a piece of dust on the display of your phone!?!?

Lastly, a little commentary… I have never in my 3 decades of professional experience seen any individual continually do the absolute wrong things when it comes to business! I mean, what are the odds that EVERYTHING done by the cruster is money losing & kid inducing?! Everything from the location to the set up and the ads to the promos are specifically geared to lose money, time, and energy. I don’t think anyone less than a complete idiot with downs syndrome and a lisp could come up with these plans to fail every time!

I’m guessing that he will be in need of a Suicide Prevention Hotline shortly since you can only fail so many times before calling it quits for good!

The cruster, religion, disfunction, and his dead cat

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

The cruster comes from a family of the Religious. Starting out as a young man, he dropped out of high school in sophmore year. He promptly got a job as a minor minster at at Church were his brother, Canary, was a Decon. Mark the Cruster was given a job, which he maintained for over 10 years, where he sat in the front of the Church, rang a bell, read the newspaper, and on occassion, ran minor errands for Bennedict, the head priest.

The Cruster’s brother, who also runs his own chruch, about 4 miles from this Monestary, knew at a very young age that his brother, Mark the Cruster, was a complete idiot, and they do not speak.

The Cruster’s sister doesn’t talk with Mark either, because after she learned that our Cruster is a drug chaser, she has disowned him and refuses to speak with him.

So, a solitary life the cruster leads, only talking to his high school friend, Fairy Poon, who is now stars in adult movies of the ghey variety.

Unfortuntate, I am now forced to travel out of town spreading the word of timmy during the week, so heading out to the Church on Saturday, I saw the Cruster wearing his greasy police hat, and Fairy Poon being the only people in the Cruster’s church.

It’s no big suprise that the Cruster hangs out with known homo’s, since he hasn’t had a girlfriend since high school, and now, being a 52 year old man with no family to talk to he resorts to cavorting with a known ghey homo.

I was suprised that the Cruster was ordained, but, I suppose there are churches for all varieties.

Oh where, oh where is the Ghey Boy Nickie

Monday, August 31st, 2009

The Cruster has a new problem at his Church. Nickie the Homo boy has been missing for the last few weeks. Every good church knows that you MUST have an associate priest in the church at all times. Its a safety issue. Without an alarm system, and no cameras at his church, the Cruster is just asking for trouble.

Pastor Mark the Cruster has been observed, sitting at his desk in the back of the Church behind the window, with his feet up, and not a care in the world. How he could have no cares having NO parishioners tithing to pay his rent is beyond me, but, with all the drugs that the Cruster takes, its not suprising that he has no cares.

But, back to the topic at land. Where is Ghey Boy Nickie? Why is he missing? Has he gone back to JW The Holy Goat? Is he devoting more time to be a man whore?

Who knows.

All we know is that time is running out for the Cruster. The doors to his church have closed, yet he is too stupid to know it.

Trouble in Mark the Crusters Paradise

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

There is some confusion in the crusters unhappy world. After opening up his Church only one block from our Monestary, he is finding he has no business. No souls to save. No tithings in his collection plate. No money to pay his rent. Whats a cruster to do?

Mark decided to give a reach around to the Holy Goat, who gave the Cruster some over priced merchandise to list on ebay. The spread on what the Cruster paid for the merchandise to the holy goat and what it could be sold on ebay was very small. Not hardly enough to pay his monthly rent, but the Cruster never was very bright.

Then to our surprise one day after listing 60 peices of junk on ebay, the cruster killed the auctions. All the listings. hehehe. Snap. Gone. After paying the listing fees to ebay, he killed the actions.

This means that Mark the Cruster is either having a problem with The Holy Goat or a problem with his boy ward Yarf! boy Nickie.

It s silly enough that the Cruster got a second mortgage on his pathetic condo to open his church one block away from our Monestary and Church oF Timmy, but, to list auctions, pay for them, and kill them.

THAT IS GLORIOUS!

Its only a matter of time before Mark the Cruster screams Armageddon Kiki!

Mark is a neurotic cruster and this is proof

Friday, June 26th, 2009

As readers of this blog know, Mark is a neurotic ghey homo who has a lover named nick. But, that is not the point of this post.

Mark is psychotic and neurotic. For many years this neurosis has manifested itself in his disgusting crusting illness that causes his skin to flake and crust.

Many people who are neurotic have obsessive compulsive disorder. Mark has this manifestation of his illness.

Mark wears a disgusting greasy Chicago Police baseball cap.

Mark believes that wearing the that greasy cap will protect him from the people who would enter his church and try to kill him.

He tells people who enter the church that he is an ex Chicago cop.

How being an ex-Chicago cop will protect him is completely goofy.

But, he wears the greasy Chicago police cap every day, and will not take it off to expose his balding head.

We have also learned from a reliable source that Mark even wears the Chicago Police baseball cap while Nick performs sodomy on Mark.

Mark is a sick man. Stay away or you may catch his crusting sickness.

Would you buy JEWelry from a pair of Dancing TV/TS’s name Wayne and Markie?

Monday, September 15th, 2008

I am Wayne the proprieter, and Markie is my unemployed cruster.

We dress like women, and sing this song to customers who enter my dark store which smells like a cat box, since I wear depends and piss myself regularly.

Enjoy me and Markie dancing!

Would you buy JEWelry from ME?

Its a crusting kind of day

Thursday, September 11th, 2008

I crust myself today.

I have no place to go.

So I sit in my condo crusting.

Whoa is me. Whoa is me.

I feel like a potato chip.

Nickie needs to feltch me!

I am getting closer to suicide. The end is near.