Archive for the ‘unemployment’ Category

EASTER IS COMING (AND SO IS CRUSTY SO BE CAREFUL!)

Sunday, February 21st, 2010

The Easter Bitch will be going door to door looking for little children to give eggs to! If you walk into his church, it doesn’t smell that far off from eggs when the smell of cat piss is at bay! Have you ever wondered who is behind those ominous Easter Bunny suits? If we had X-Ray vision, the picture on Crustacean Quarterly Magazine is probably not far from the truth! Yes folks, when it comes to sissies, Fake Jewelry & Moans head pontiff could be in your neighborhood right now! You can’t run, you can’t hide, the Easter Bitch is coming to frackyour boys behind!! The only Easter Bunny with a Pez Dispenser full of Vicodin for the cold spring Easter day! (And another one loaded with 2mg Xanax for the nights (or any other time for that matter!)) You will usually find this particular rabbit taking off the furry boots that you see before you every hour or so to get the crust out of the pant legs. This is because it builds up about the calf’s and knees thus making it hard to sit which, as you may know, is required when trying to slice the back end of your kids pants open and sit him on the evil bunnies lap! If you see him taking off those boots and pouring what looks like snow out of each one, that means he has his target and will be hunting your neighborhood shortly! This variety of Rabbit practices the art of Feltching on the other 364 days of the year! The art of Feng Shui was just not cutting the mustard! If you want to know how to protect your neighborhood, take my advice and stash your kids somewhere away from your house! (While you’re at it, hide the cat, the dog, and the pet turtle too!) and for God’s sake, keep any and all Duct Tape out of sight! Feltching is a habit that dies hard and you don’t want your kid wrapped up in duct tape, shoved into a tube, and inserted into this bunnies ass! (Oh MY!)

If you have a gallon of gas and a shot gun, keep them close! If you hear the earie sound of what seems to mimic the sound of someone stepping on a few open boxes of corn flakes, and then seen the large blood shot eyes of this rabbit, throw the gas on his furr and shoot him thus igniting him into a large fire ball with floppy ears! (Make sure there is no kid hanging out of his ass first & Kids, Don’t try this at home!)

Yes folks, Large Game Hunting of the Markus Rabbit Ignoramus variety is not for the faint of heart! We hear at Midwest Monasteries thought we would make this public service announcement just in case one shows up in your area! As long as you remember not to panic and follow the above procedures, you will get through this with as few casualties as possible! If the Bunnie is hiding, calling his real name will sometimes get you a reaction that will distract him thus giving you time to get your kids to safety! Just yell… Markus Crustaceous Headus Giverous the III-rd. (twice removed from Rome and once from Nicky the Ghey Whores Arse!!). This has been a public service announcement by The Church of Timmy!

LOOK! IT’S MARKIN’ LUTHER KING DAY! AMEN!

Sunday, January 17th, 2010
MARTIN LUTHER KING DR.

MARKIN' LUTHER KING JR. DAY 2010

Hmmm, it seems that Mr. King would have even been insulted by this crusting fools selection of Timmy Diamonds and Crustacean Friendly Fodder!

Crusty’s House of Hock

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Things are very pathetic over at Crusty’s House of Hock. He started listing stuff again on ebay. Lets enjoy his ebay listing together.

Up for auction is this Mans 14K White Gold Beautiful Princess cut Diamond ring,weighing in at 7.31 grams & is a size 10 3/4… The Center Diamond Measures out with our mm gauge to be (approx) .75ct ,Over 1 Carat with all of the accent diamonds surrounding .The Princess diamond is eye clean ,but has a noticable feather off to the side nearing the center under 10X power loupe. Unless someone walks around with a jewelers loupe you can not see it ,That being said we grade this at Si3 -K color! Look at the pics and see wether or not this for you, at the price we sell our goods at, it is or will be a bargain for you ! As always U.S.A sales Only ,NO ZERO bidders & No P.o boxes ,We have the right to retract any bid any time for any reason .. Thanks for looking

What the heck is an SI3 diamond? According to GIA, the Diamond Grading Experts, there is no such thing as a SI3 Diamond. Here is what GIA says.

Bill Boyajian, President of GIA, wrote the following letter to Jewelers

Helping the Cruster

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

The CRUSTER received some good news today!

MacDonald’s near his condo is hiring for the Fry Guy position.

He will look very cute in that Mickey D’s uniform.

And he can practice that Phrase for the Ages … “Would you like Fries with that!”

Starting Salary. 8 bucks an hour.

His new career will be GLORIOUS!

The only hope for Markie the Mook is to take up the path to Enlightenment by becoming one with the brotherhood of TIMMY!

Glorious is TIMMY who will lead us to Salavation and Deliver us from all evil, EXCEPT for the EVIL of Crusting upon which Markie will fester with for the rest of his shortened unnatural life.

AMEN!

I received a Missive from Markie the Mook to my email regarding his crusting.

Sunday, August 31st, 2008

 \r\n\r\nThis is a copy of an email I received from Markie the KING of the Crusters which suprised me since his nervous disorder makes him all twitchy and crusty. I think that while he was typing it, he crusted himself like a potato chip, probably filled his depends and required large quantities of drugs to actually type it and hit send.\r\n\r\nMy comments are IN UPPER CASE after each statement send in his email.\r\n

I tried your phone several time today (no answer) ?????????????? (LEARN HOW TO USE A PHONE. YOU ARE SO SCREWED since you CAN”T EVEN USE A CELL PHONE)

 

Here is the story ,when I first started there I spent almost 2 months getting that store into a running store (UM, WE WERE OPEN A YEAR CRUSTO, and THEY STORE RAN FINE)

 

,not that it wasn’t running, but in my (opinion) not running correctly,Inventory and so on .. ( YOU COULDN’T MANAGER YOUR AWAY OUT OF A CARDBOARD BOX, WHERE YOU WILL LIVE SOON)

I put my HEART & SOUL into that establishment 6 days a week (YOU ARE GUTLESS CRUSTO, and afraid to come out of your house)

,minimum 55 hours a week. (54 BUT WHO IS COUNTinG)

A 15 hour+ day on Valentines day and without complaints on all the above (ONE TIME OMG, TIME TO COMMIT SUICIDE WITH A GOAT)

I told you when I started I wanted a day off from time to time, (NO YOU DIDN’T FREAK)

well that never happened nor was it offered. (WHY SHOULD IT, ALL YOU DO IS SIT AT THE STORE ON DRUGS AND PLAY GUITAR FOR 61K a year)

Maybe something like “hey Markie why dont you take off Thursday or whichever day, again never offered! (WHY? YOU WERE GETTING PAID TOP DOLLAR SINCE YOU HAVE NO MARKETABLE SKILLS)

The only day off I got was when i was sick and that’s a day in bed so that sucks. (YOU WERENT SICK, YOU COULD NOT FIND DRUGS AND WERE TOO SCARED TO DRIVE)

You said when we hire someone you’ll get days off, again still never happened ): (WE DID HIRE SOMEBODY. TWO PEOPLE IN FACT, BUT YOU’RE DELUSIONAL)

No Problem I continued buying and making a repore with all of the customers and making the store money (BOTH YOU AND THE KIDS WERE THIEFS. SELLING PRODUCT THAT COST US $485 for $200 then PAYING $150 TO SHIP IT. THAT WAS MAKING ME MONEY? YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND)

which is expected from me a quote from you.(agreed) (MAKE MONEY, NOT GIVE IT AWAY FREAK)

Then all of this shit started> he said she said (YES YOU STARTED DOING UNACCEPTABLE LEVELS OF DRUGS WHICH IMPEEDED YOUR JOB PERFORMANCE)

you said, he said ,it went on & on & on! (YES, WE TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE A DRUG ADICT THAT NEEDED HELP)

 What is this grade school ,then all i keep hearing is PILLS THIS PILLS THAT, (NO, IT’S A BUSINESS, and YOU TOOK IT UPON YOURSELF TO FUCK IT UP)

I have presciptions for several medications ,and 1 prescription is for Hydrocodone,2 different blood pressure medications & 1 for panic attacks and nervous disorder and a injectable medication for my Psoriasis ,hence (CRUSTY) (YES, AND A LETTER FROM YOUR DOCTOR THAT YOU SHOWD ME STATING THAT SHE WAS DROPPING YOU FOR BEING A CRONIC DRUG CHASER)

(Now everything I said was about Business and the meds I take on a daily basis, then (I’M SURPRISED YOUR NOT DEAD GIVEN WHAT YOU TAKE)

Todd talked to a Sugar Plum Fairy a day or two after I stepped down (STEPPED DOWN? WHAT DOES STEPPED DOWN MEAN TO YOU YOU CRUSTING FREAK. YOU CALL IN SICK FOR 3 DAYS UNTIL YOUR CHECK IS DIRECT DEPOSITED, AND THEN CALL CRYING THAT YOUR QUITTING. STEPPING DOWN? YOUR GUTLESS, PURE AND SIMPLE.)

and told him I am a drug addict popping pills left and right and now anything I say to The Sugar Plum Fairy falls on deaf ears!  (YES, BECAUSE YOU’RE A LYING THIEVING DRUG ABUSER)

Bennedict had no right to discuss my personal life with The Sugar Plum Fairy (WHY? YOU’RE A SCUMBAG, WHY NOT SHARE THE DETAILS)

,but he did ,which led to him telling my brother and now my sister thinks I’m shit, my whole family now knows and thinks I am a drug addict & loser. (WELL, YOU ARE A DRUG ADICT, WHY KEEP THEM IN THE DARK. YOU KNOW ITS TRUE)

Why did he do that? (BECAUSE YOU’RE A GUTLESS SCUMBAG WHO WALKED OUT ON US)

why is everyone so mean & vendictive, (YOU STARTED IT BY QUITTING WITH NO NOTICE FREAK)

I am at the end of my rope! (GOOD. TAKE A ROPE AND KILL YOURSELF)

I loved that job (LIES)

and NOW I would never go back because (GOOD. WE HIRED A NEW MANAGER)

I couldn’t be in the same room as Wayno, as I am writing I am literally crying, (WOULD YOU LIKE A CRYING RAG)

My whole world has come down to a man with a mouth and a god damn pill story!!!! (THE TRUTH HURTS FREAK)

I believe you when you say you’re sorry,my stepping down has many reasons behind it, (NO, I WAS SORRY I DIDN’T CONFRONT YOU SOONER TELLING YOU THAT YOUR A DRUG ABUSING CRUSTING HALF WIT THAT WAS OVERPAID FOR THE WORK YOU DID, SINCE WE HIRED YOU AS A FAVOR TO A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE AND ALL IT DID WAS BITE ME IN THE ASS FOR BEING GOOD TO YOU BUT THAT TRAIN HAS LEFT THE STATION, YOUR JOB IS GONE, AND NOW YOU ARE FUCKED)

but Groog sealed it with a single phone call , Why did he tell The Sugar Plum Fairy, (BECAUSE, YOU’RE A SCUM)

why, oh my god it keeps going through my head over and over… (GOOD, THINK ABOUT IT FOR A LONG TIME, SINCE YOU WILL NEVER MAKE 61K A YEAR AGAIN)

Life sucks! (KILL YOURSELF)

don’t worry I am not gonna kill my self (TOO BAD, AND I THINK YOU WILL WHEN THE MONEY RUNS OUT)

but I am going to sell my condo and go start over somewhere else where no one knows me most likely out of state. (LIES, YOUR TOO AFAID TO LEAVE YOUR CONDO)

God bless us all (PRAISE THE LORD AND THE HOLY GOAT)

and good luck (GOD YE GOOD MARROW)

all the best Markie (YES, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THE BEST, AND YOU WILL HAVE 1) no money, 2) SUICIDE 3) HELL FIRE