Archive for the ‘Goat’ Category

LOOK! IT’S MARKIN’ LUTHER KING DAY! AMEN!

Sunday, January 17th, 2010
MARTIN LUTHER KING DR.

MARKIN' LUTHER KING JR. DAY 2010

Hmmm, it seems that Mr. King would have even been insulted by this crusting fools selection of Timmy Diamonds and Crustacean Friendly Fodder!

Nick and Mark are both idiots and devoid of cash

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

Mark has no business . His store is always empty. He reports doing virtually no legal business. Fencing merchandise from the Holy Goat will only go so far, because that will get the Cruster shut down.

Nick on the other hand, appeared to have a good gig. He was hustling jewelry and making thousands of dollars a week doing it. But, then he stole $29K worth of Jewelry and then the police report that he went to a Titty Bar with a buddy and spent $5000.00!!! Damn! You could get blown every day for a year for that kind of money! $4000.00 in ill gotten cash from the fencing of jewelry he stole and that the cruster is hocking for him but then, it’s reported that Nick is 49% owner of the church! That alone is gonna make for an interesting discussion when the Judge imposes sentence on both of them!

After spending the $4000.00 he still owed approx. $1000.00 more!!! So, he did what any Ghey Whore would do…He charged it on a Stolen Credit Card!! Yes, the Ole’ American Express! Membership has it’s privledges and it’s obvious they mean the local Whore/Titty bars in Wisconsin as well! If I was Mark and Nick, I would pay special attention to Jan 7th. 2010! That and the few following days will be etched into your minds for the rest of your lives. I assure you that you will never forget January 2010 for as long as you both shall live!

Paying $6500 for an $1800 box sign

Friday, August 7th, 2009

We knew that Mark the Cruster was not very bright, and this is another example of his stupidity, in service to our Lord and Savior Timmy.

Mark puchased a very SMALL box sign with back lighting proclaiming the Glory of Timmy. The sign says:

The Grace and Peace of TIMMY be with us all!

I like the message. It is Holy and Glorious!

But, the going rate for a back lite sign is about $1800 installed. The Crustor purchased a used back lite sign for $6500 cash. He must be getting HIGH tything in his collection plate to purchase that sign.

Blessed be Timmy who will lead us to Salvation!

Trouble in Mark the Crusters Paradise

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

There is some confusion in the crusters unhappy world. After opening up his Church only one block from our Monestary, he is finding he has no business. No souls to save. No tithings in his collection plate. No money to pay his rent. Whats a cruster to do?

Mark decided to give a reach around to the Holy Goat, who gave the Cruster some over priced merchandise to list on ebay. The spread on what the Cruster paid for the merchandise to the holy goat and what it could be sold on ebay was very small. Not hardly enough to pay his monthly rent, but the Cruster never was very bright.

Then to our surprise one day after listing 60 peices of junk on ebay, the cruster killed the auctions. All the listings. hehehe. Snap. Gone. After paying the listing fees to ebay, he killed the actions.

This means that Mark the Cruster is either having a problem with The Holy Goat or a problem with his boy ward Yarf! boy Nickie.

It s silly enough that the Cruster got a second mortgage on his pathetic condo to open his church one block away from our Monestary and Church oF Timmy, but, to list auctions, pay for them, and kill them.

THAT IS GLORIOUS!

Its only a matter of time before Mark the Cruster screams Armageddon Kiki!

Pentagrams and goats

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

I drew a Pentagram on the floor of my store. I lay on it naked fondleing my Holy Goat, naked when customers walk in the store. I then spin my head around with my eyes glowing red.

Would you like to buy some JEWelry from me?

I rebuke thee Satan…

Sunday, August 17th, 2008

…for what you did to Timmy and his Diamond!

I say this in the name of The Father, The Sun, and the Glorious Holy Goat!

The Rappaport Report and Flogging

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

I had a visit yeterday from a Hasidim who works for the Rappaport Report in New York. He brought some real diamonds for a deal that I was attempting to broker. When I broker a deal, I take diamonds from somebody and then try to sell them to somebody else and mark them up to make a hugh profit.

While the broker was showing me the diamonds, I had my boy friday Kiki flog me with a whip. Each time I looked at a diamond, Kiki struck me with the whip. It was GLORIOUS.

The JEW was not pleased with the whipping sound, and after a few hits of the whip, he pulled out his bible and started to PRAY.

Kiki took this as a signal to start whipping me senseless. We didn’t settle on any deal for any diamonds, but, I enjoyed kiki whipping me to the sounds of a hasidim davining until I passed out.

I also had an appointment for Taggot to bring his goat to visit with me last night. He didn’t show up. I was disappointed because, I really like Taggot’s goat.

Putting the JEW back in JEWelery

Wednesday, August 13th, 2008

I may not be a JEW, but, I’ll pretend to be one for you.

I will show you my collection of beanies, and daven while you browse my wares.

In my spare time, I am a Moel, and enjoy telling young couples to “keep the tip” after I perform my services.

I don’t really know why I pretend to be a JEW, but, hope that you would like to be one too!

I am a very handsome FAKE Hasidim

Im a good looking JEW!  And you can be too!
I’m a good looking JEW! And you can be too!

Stop by and see me so I can PRAY with you!

I will bring the HOLY GOAT!

Why did I open this Faux Jewelery Emporium

Monday, August 11th, 2008

Since I have no marketable skills and a buring jealousy of two hassedic jews with successful businesses named Cluck and Fetchard, I had no choice other then to grab money from an investor and open my own store. It doen’t really matter that I know nothing about jewelery or gems I opened a store to be able to stay away from my fake boobed wife with Witchey Hair.

My first ritual when I arrive at the store is to exchange my light pink jump suit for a scottish kilt. I then take my trust cat-o-nine tails out of his prominent display case and flog myself. OMG Richard Simmons is so #hawt.

When my lusty office girl Hammy arrives, I chase her around the store screaming incomrephesible obscene phrases at her until she takes matters into her own hands and decks me. Once I wake up, I gargle the Sloria with Goats Milk and then, with the morning rituals complete, attempt to sell fake jewelery to people.

I have an amazing lab in the back of the store where I am perfecting the process of enhancing jewelery. It doesn’t matter that others wish to sell real precious stones. I only sell the ones that I can enhance.

Please stop by to see me real soon so we can pray together.

I’m a little man in a Scottish Kilt

Sunday, August 10th, 2008

As I troll around my dank little store in bucktown, I like to wear a traditional scottish kilt with nothing underneath, so I can breath down there if you know what I mean.

I am a classically trained bag pipe player, and you wont have to ask me twice to blast out a little ditty since I serenade my goat on a regular basis.

Don’t be afraid if you see me flogging myself as I march around the store because I have been a very naughty jeweler.

Please stop by to see The Timmy Diamond which is Pear Shaped with a Pin Head, and Sparkles like White Jesus.