Archive for the ‘Escapades’ Category

Nick and Mark are both idiots and devoid of cash

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

Mark has no business . His store is always empty. He reports doing virtually no legal business. Fencing merchandise from the Holy Goat will only go so far, because that will get the Cruster shut down.

Nick on the other hand, appeared to have a good gig. He was hustling jewelry and making thousands of dollars a week doing it. But, then he stole $29K worth of Jewelry and then the police report that he went to a Titty Bar with a buddy and spent $5000.00!!! Damn! You could get blown every day for a year for that kind of money! $4000.00 in ill gotten cash from the fencing of jewelry he stole and that the cruster is hocking for him but then, it’s reported that Nick is 49% owner of the church! That alone is gonna make for an interesting discussion when the Judge imposes sentence on both of them!

After spending the $4000.00 he still owed approx. $1000.00 more!!! So, he did what any Ghey Whore would do…He charged it on a Stolen Credit Card!! Yes, the Ole’ American Express! Membership has it’s privledges and it’s obvious they mean the local Whore/Titty bars in Wisconsin as well! If I was Mark and Nick, I would pay special attention to Jan 7th. 2010! That and the few following days will be etched into your minds for the rest of your lives. I assure you that you will never forget January 2010 for as long as you both shall live!

JW, the Cruster and a retarded ghey whore named Nick

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

It makes no sense to me why JW doesn’t just go into Mark’s church, and punch Nickie the GHEY whore right in the nose.

If somebody stole $29K from me, and I knew where to find them, I would go there and confront them. And then probably punch them in the nose.

It’s remarkable that JW is that scared of a ghey boy like nick. Maybe its because JW is so short. No idea.

Mark the Cruster, Buckey Beaver, and a CHIPPED diamond! OMG!

Friday, December 4th, 2009

Mark the Cruster is a retard. We have this on good authority since he dropped out of school as a Sophmore, since he was getting F’s anyways because he’s just a retarded fool.

But, Mark continues to do things that amaze me. And I have to share the stories with you dear readers.

A parishoner at Mark’s church tythed a Princess Cut Diamond, 1 ct total carat weight. The rap (dealer cost) on that stone is about $4000 since its a princess and most people are interested in round brilliant cut diamonds. A princcess cut diamond is square. I believe Mark the Cruster has an affinity for the square diamonds because Mark’s head is very square.

JW the Holy Goat told Mark the Cruster that to test if a diamond was real, Mark should use his bucky beaver buck teeth to test the hardness of the diamond. So what does Mark the Cruster do to this $4000 dollar diamond? He chomps on it with his buck teeth. And the corner snaps off. SNAP.

Never mind that you can purchase an electronic diamond tester that when you touch the diamond will tell you with 100% certainty that the diamond is real, Mark the Cruster is too cheap to purchase a diamond tester, and instead uses his Buckey Beaver Chomp test on expensive stones. See what it got him? Gornish!

What kind of retarded idiot tries to bite a diamond? Well, Mark the Cruster did.

And now, he has the diamond on eBay with a top bid of $99 bucks.

Lets talk Mark the Cruster math. Take a $4000 diamond, bite it with your buckey beaver buck teeth, and snap off the corner of it, and then sell it on eBay for $99.

The cruster will be out of business soon. He’s too stoopid to end the agony now.

Oh yeah Marky. When you walk out the front door of your church to smoke tomorrow, turn left, look to the North, and behold the Glory of TIMMY!

The First Reports are in and it AIN’T PRETTY

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

The morning started out poorly for the Cruster. The BBQ place required payment up front and the Cruster has no credit or credt cards so he had to rush to the restaurant with CASH UP FRONT.

Back at the store, the stress of holding an event at his Church has put Mark the Cruster into a dour mood. The anxiety of having REAL PEOPLE in his church has caused his crusting and flaking to really get out of crontrol. He was sitting in the window of a church with a cloud of skin faking and frothing into the air around him.

I don’t understand how anybody would have an appetite to eat BBQ when a little man with crusty skin surrounded by a cloud white clould of flaking skin.

This is the best part.

The stress appears to have gotten to Mark. With a few minions in the church, he sceamed OH MY GAWD, and he shat in his pants. Thats right. A big messy grumpy in his pants. We don’t know if Mark was wearing a diaper today in preparation of a shatting due to the stress and anexiety he is to experience today, but, we last saw him high tail it out the back door of his church. Maybe he has a pair of extra pants and underpants in his car? Maybe he’s going to rush over to Nickies how? Who knows.

We only know its 20 minutes until the event begins? Will the Cruster make it back in time? Updates will be provided as they occur. We are very close to having a live broadcast of the Crusters nightmare.


Nickie the Ghey Whore gets Theiving and FIRED

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

As I mentioned in my previous post, Nickie the Ghey Whore has been famously missing from Mark the Crusters church. When we drive by Mark’s storefront, we see the Mark the Cruster in the Window, but, Nickie has been noplace to be seen.

It turns out that Nickie was thieving from the Church. A person who knows Nickie mentioned that Nickie was coming home each night from the Church carrying a briefcase full of things to list on Ebay. Well, the stuff was being stolen from the Crusters church.

Mark the Cruster figured this out, and immediately took away Nickie the Ghey Whore’s key from the Church. And Nickie was told he could not be at the Church for a “few months” since there was no money. In non-retardo mark speak, that means your fired. PERIOD. OMG. ROTFL. Armageddon Kiki!

This is funny, since Nickie gave the Cruster $12K to open the Church.

Now the $12K is gone, and the Cruster has nobody to help him run the Church.

This will be TERRIBLE for the Cruster since Cold and Flu season is coming up, and state law requires that they Church never close for two business days in a row.

And believe me, we are going to be watching, as a courtesy to the Customers of the Crusters Church.