Here’s the best one yet we have seen from FLAKE JEWELRY & LOAN!
Ok, lets have some fun with an in-depth analysis of the Crusters sapphire auction! First I do want to say that anyone that buys his wares is dumber than he is since he can’t spell, he can’t read, he can’t put a sentence together to save his life, and from the looks of it he’s gonna have returns to the house of hock in no time! Ok, First I want to get my flashlight out since the listing below has a flashlight on it so that you can see it! (YOU GOTTA BE FUCKIN KIDDING ME! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Here’s his post verbatim… “Stunning Ladies Sapphire ring (oval) deep blue (pics 1&2) w/ 4 full cut accent Diamonds,This Gem weighs 5.01 grams & is a size 8 1/8 … The sapphire is (approx)) .60ct & .20ct in the diamonds…The head that holds the Sapphire & dia’s is white gold set on solid 14k yel gold. Retail is 795.00 but get it here for a fraction of that retail, As always U.S.A sales only ,No ZERO bidders & no P.O boxes . We have the right to retract any bid any time for any reason . Good luck Thanks 4 looking.We have shinned a flash light on the center to bring out the blue which the camera cannot.“
Ok, First… Pics 1&2 are stunning sapphire! (What are the other 4 pics of then?) With 4 full cut accent Diamonds, (Hmmm, GIA doesn’t seem to have “accent diamonds”? (Are they from another country? Like one with a different accent than the USA?)) We then have a comma and no space. Cute! This Gem weighs 5.01 grams (Really! That sapphire is the only gem that’s big enough to mention and it’s not 5 grams in weight since it would 25 carats at that point! OH WAIT…You mean the ring itself! DUH!!! Was crusty flaking too much to see when he wrote this? Did the crust fall like snow into his lids? Perhaps!? I say this because he takes the time to say Sapphire but makes his own abbreviations like “dia’s” and Yellow is now “yel”! Crusty needs a loupe with windshield wipers in it! Get that crust off of there now soldier! As always U.S.A sales only. (Always, this is the first thing you sold on Ebay in 6 months!!! (Or tried to) Of course, with that 8th grade education, filling out customs forms for overseas sales could make you so nervous that the grease filled Chicago police cap that you were born with would fall off from the flurry of flakes dropping on your shoes!
You mighty cruster you! No zero bidders! What are you, some type of 80 feedback power seller? Oh wait…you are 80 feedback and most of them are purchases and what isn’t is Michael Jackson Albums! Bwhahhahhaha! Thanks “4” looking! Are you 7 or 9 years old? Are you texting this on your phone? You actually think people will spend money with you?
Now, the ultimate and most stupid line that I have EVER read in 13 years on Ebay…. “We have shinned a flash light on the center to bring out the blue which the camera cannot.” Bwhahhahahaha ROFL!!! You Shinned huh? (Did you get kicked in the head or the Shins?) a Flashlight on the center to bring out the blue huh? LOL, In other words it’s fuckin black! I can see you now….
“Here Ma’am, Flake Jewelry & Loan wants to send you this free LED Flashlight to hang around your neck so you can show your “Blue” sapphire off to them” Oh, Buff that jewelry and give it a shave! You’re taking lessons from that evil short wanna be Jew that masquerades as a Leprechaun 23 hours out of every day. (He’s hugging the water heater in the basement drunk on boxed wine when he’s not doing that!) Here’s another tip…Blow the crust away from the jewelry before you shoot it! I know this is new for you since you never got to blow out the birthday candles on your cake since the crust off your lips got in everyone eyes when you tried your first year!
The real laughing stock out of this whole thing is the Ebel watch you sold for 800 bucks! That watch was worth $2500.00 all day long! You’re gonna be out of business sooner than I originally thought! I could have sold that for at least $2000 in less than 1 hour with 1 phone call! You’re profit on it *might* have paid for the listing if you were lucky. Unless you shill’d it last minute to save it?!?! So will we see it listed again next week? Hmmmm!?!?
I’m glad that you started up again since material was getting kinda thin here. Now with that stellar vocabulary and 8th grade diploma tucked away neatly under that Police Hat you wear 24/7, I think we will have a REAL LONG relationship with your sales attempts! Keep em comming crusty, we are just getting started!
Thank you for entertaining us wildly! You should see how many people are reading this now and how much email we get just beggin for more!
Lastly…and in all upper case…. OUR MONASTERY HAS A SECRET OF WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO FIND OUT WITHIN THE NEXT 15 DAYS! YOU WILL BE OUT WITH YOUR SECURITY BLANKET (THAT GREASY POLICE HAT WHICH ONLY YOU THINK MAKES PEOPLE THINK YOUR A COP BUT EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR JUST A TWIT WITH LEPROSY!) AND YOU’LL BE SMOKING AND THEN YOU WILL LOOK UP, AND THE ANGELS WILL SING! THE LAST SUPPER PORTRAIT WILL BE NOTHING COMPARED TO THE ANGST THAT WILL BEFALL YOU BUT THERE, THE SIGNS WILL BE ALL AROUND YOU, AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DO NOTHING BUT TAKE A HANDFUL OF XANAX, EAT 10 OR 15 VICODIN, SLAM A SUBOXONE (YES WE KNOW YOU’RE MOONLIGHTING WITH YOUR DRUG HABIT ON THE NARCOTIC OF NARCOTICS, THE MIGHTY SUBOXONE), AND CALL THAT GHEY WHORE NIKKY THAT GAVE YOU 8 OR 9 THOUSAND DOLLARS, THEN YOU THREW HIM TO HELL WHERE HE BELONGS! I HOPE HE REALIZES BY NOW THAT HIS MONEY IS GONE AND NEVER TO RETURN! IF HE HASN’T, HE WILL AFTER 11-15-09!
YOU GET TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE ABOVE MEANS AND YOU’RE NOT GONNA LIKE IT ONE BIT I ASSURE YOU! LOL
Now say Amen and for God’s sake, take that fucking stupid police hat off! ROFL