Archive for the ‘cats’ Category

Mark the Cruster having his building torn down

Friday, October 7th, 2011

I spoke with the village and they confirmed that the Curster received a certified letter in the mail telling him that his building is going to be destroyed to make way for a galactic interspace highway.    Well, it really is not a Vogon Constructor Fleet moving through his neighborhood, but the state is putting an overpass right through where is store is located and they will be tearing down his building.

And Crusty has received the certified letter, so he knows its going to happen.

I bet when he was reading it he was very itchy and flakey.  Like a potato chip.

But, does he do anything proactive to move?

Hope.

There he sits every day, with a dim look in his eye, wearing that same greasy baseball cap, stone on drugs.

It kind of reminds me of that scene from Titanic, where the musicians move to the top deck and continue to play until the ship is under water.

Time is running out for the Cruster.  And we will keep track of his demise.

Misery and Mark the Cruster

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

It seems that Mark the Cruster fired Gay Boy Nick again.   There are a couple of ways you can tell.  One is that the Cruster has no listings on ebay because he’s too stupid to post them, and the other is that you dont see Ghey boy Nick hanging around the store.  Both have occurred.  AGAIN.

We know a guy that is friends with Nick’s dad.  Apprently Mark the Curster fired Nick for stealing AGAIN, and now Nick just lays in bed in his bedroom taking anti-psychotic drugs.  What a nice life for Nick.

But, back to the Cruster… How does he stay in business?  How does he pay his rent?  He has no customers.  And right next door to his business is a cash for gold place taking all of his customers.

Its only a matter of time before the Cruster is out of business.  We will continue to watch and post about it.

EASTER IS COMING (AND SO IS CRUSTY SO BE CAREFUL!)

Sunday, February 21st, 2010

The Easter Bitch will be going door to door looking for little children to give eggs to! If you walk into his church, it doesn’t smell that far off from eggs when the smell of cat piss is at bay! Have you ever wondered who is behind those ominous Easter Bunny suits? If we had X-Ray vision, the picture on Crustacean Quarterly Magazine is probably not far from the truth! Yes folks, when it comes to sissies, Fake Jewelry & Moans head pontiff could be in your neighborhood right now! You can’t run, you can’t hide, the Easter Bitch is coming to frackyour boys behind!! The only Easter Bunny with a Pez Dispenser full of Vicodin for the cold spring Easter day! (And another one loaded with 2mg Xanax for the nights (or any other time for that matter!)) You will usually find this particular rabbit taking off the furry boots that you see before you every hour or so to get the crust out of the pant legs. This is because it builds up about the calf’s and knees thus making it hard to sit which, as you may know, is required when trying to slice the back end of your kids pants open and sit him on the evil bunnies lap! If you see him taking off those boots and pouring what looks like snow out of each one, that means he has his target and will be hunting your neighborhood shortly! This variety of Rabbit practices the art of Feltching on the other 364 days of the year! The art of Feng Shui was just not cutting the mustard! If you want to know how to protect your neighborhood, take my advice and stash your kids somewhere away from your house! (While you’re at it, hide the cat, the dog, and the pet turtle too!) and for God’s sake, keep any and all Duct Tape out of sight! Feltching is a habit that dies hard and you don’t want your kid wrapped up in duct tape, shoved into a tube, and inserted into this bunnies ass! (Oh MY!)

If you have a gallon of gas and a shot gun, keep them close! If you hear the earie sound of what seems to mimic the sound of someone stepping on a few open boxes of corn flakes, and then seen the large blood shot eyes of this rabbit, throw the gas on his furr and shoot him thus igniting him into a large fire ball with floppy ears! (Make sure there is no kid hanging out of his ass first & Kids, Don’t try this at home!)

Yes folks, Large Game Hunting of the Markus Rabbit Ignoramus variety is not for the faint of heart! We hear at Midwest Monasteries thought we would make this public service announcement just in case one shows up in your area! As long as you remember not to panic and follow the above procedures, you will get through this with as few casualties as possible! If the Bunnie is hiding, calling his real name will sometimes get you a reaction that will distract him thus giving you time to get your kids to safety! Just yell… Markus Crustaceous Headus Giverous the III-rd. (twice removed from Rome and once from Nicky the Ghey Whores Arse!!). This has been a public service announcement by The Church of Timmy!

LOOK! IT’S MARKIN’ LUTHER KING DAY! AMEN!

Sunday, January 17th, 2010
MARTIN LUTHER KING DR.

MARKIN' LUTHER KING JR. DAY 2010

Hmmm, it seems that Mr. King would have even been insulted by this crusting fools selection of Timmy Diamonds and Crustacean Friendly Fodder!

The Plan is set… we will invade the Crusters Paradise

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Yes Boys and Girls; The plans are now in place to Broadcast the Cruster’s party LIVE on this web site. We will have 4 minor ministers, one Church Deacon, and a petrified cat actually on site at the party to provide live video coverage.

There are many questions to be asked.

Will the Cruster crap himself and fill his diaper due to the anxiety caused by the event? I don’t believe I mentioned it before, but, it is true. Mark the Cruster wears Adult Depends. TRUE!

Will the Cruster be forced to take large quanties to xanax due to the stress of having people he doens’t know in his Church? I hope to get a video and post it here of the Cruster DROOLING while wearing his greasy police hat.

One of our minor priests WILL be bringing a dead putrified cat to his church to see if the Cruster will accept it as a tything.

I can hardly wait for the party.

Depravity, A Cruster, and a failed promotion activity

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Some may believe that I am obsessed with Markie the Cruster, and to some extent I am. Its a free country. If your a looney with a drug addeled brain like Mark, and you quit your job, and you open up a competing chuch and monestary about 1 block away from your previous place of employment, you can assume that your previous Mother Superior will on occassion see the madness that is a man with a hideous crusting occurring.

The crust must be getting to his brain; since he has decided to host a party at his church with two disc jockey’s from a radio station devoted to kiddies. Typically the two DJ’s who will be at his church do appearances at high school foot ball games. How a cruster can expect having high schoolers flock to his chruch translate into higher thything.

Me personally, given the scandle with the church and priests diddling children, the cruster should have thought twice before hiring the DJ’s with a young children following to do a personal appearance at his Church.

I am planning on stopping over and recording the event at his church on mini-DV. I will post the video on youtube and provide the link.

I forgot about the Cruster’s dead cat

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

While talking to a minor priest who still speaks with the Cruster, we learned the true reason why the Cruster left our monetary.

We thought he left because we asked him to slow down on the drugs.

The real reason the cruster quit his job was his dead cat. The Cruster is a Druid. One of the requirments of bring a Druid is a 180 day mourning period when your 18 year old cat dies. For 180 days all you can do is stay home, naked, wearing only a winky ring, weep, and rub sacremental oil on the dead cat 4 times a day.

He only thought to open up a church 1 block from our Monestary after his mourning period for his dead cat was completed.

Thats a very sad state of affairs and the dead cat will be as close to pussy at mark gets for the rest of his crusting life.

The cruster, religion, disfunction, and his dead cat

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

The cruster comes from a family of the Religious. Starting out as a young man, he dropped out of high school in sophmore year. He promptly got a job as a minor minster at at Church were his brother, Canary, was a Decon. Mark the Cruster was given a job, which he maintained for over 10 years, where he sat in the front of the Church, rang a bell, read the newspaper, and on occassion, ran minor errands for Bennedict, the head priest.

The Cruster’s brother, who also runs his own chruch, about 4 miles from this Monestary, knew at a very young age that his brother, Mark the Cruster, was a complete idiot, and they do not speak.

The Cruster’s sister doesn’t talk with Mark either, because after she learned that our Cruster is a drug chaser, she has disowned him and refuses to speak with him.

So, a solitary life the cruster leads, only talking to his high school friend, Fairy Poon, who is now stars in adult movies of the ghey variety.

Unfortuntate, I am now forced to travel out of town spreading the word of timmy during the week, so heading out to the Church on Saturday, I saw the Cruster wearing his greasy police hat, and Fairy Poon being the only people in the Cruster’s church.

It’s no big suprise that the Cruster hangs out with known homo’s, since he hasn’t had a girlfriend since high school, and now, being a 52 year old man with no family to talk to he resorts to cavorting with a known ghey homo.

I was suprised that the Cruster was ordained, but, I suppose there are churches for all varieties.

Nickie the Ghey Whore gets Theiving and FIRED

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

As I mentioned in my previous post, Nickie the Ghey Whore has been famously missing from Mark the Crusters church. When we drive by Mark’s storefront, we see the Mark the Cruster in the Window, but, Nickie has been noplace to be seen.

It turns out that Nickie was thieving from the Church. A person who knows Nickie mentioned that Nickie was coming home each night from the Church carrying a briefcase full of things to list on Ebay. Well, the stuff was being stolen from the Crusters church.

Mark the Cruster figured this out, and immediately took away Nickie the Ghey Whore’s key from the Church. And Nickie was told he could not be at the Church for a “few months” since there was no money. In non-retardo mark speak, that means your fired. PERIOD. OMG. ROTFL. Armageddon Kiki!

This is funny, since Nickie gave the Cruster $12K to open the Church.

Now the $12K is gone, and the Cruster has nobody to help him run the Church.

This will be TERRIBLE for the Cruster since Cold and Flu season is coming up, and state law requires that they Church never close for two business days in a row.

And believe me, we are going to be watching, as a courtesy to the Customers of the Crusters Church.

Oh where, oh where is the Ghey Boy Nickie

Monday, August 31st, 2009

The Cruster has a new problem at his Church. Nickie the Homo boy has been missing for the last few weeks. Every good church knows that you MUST have an associate priest in the church at all times. Its a safety issue. Without an alarm system, and no cameras at his church, the Cruster is just asking for trouble.

Pastor Mark the Cruster has been observed, sitting at his desk in the back of the Church behind the window, with his feet up, and not a care in the world. How he could have no cares having NO parishioners tithing to pay his rent is beyond me, but, with all the drugs that the Cruster takes, its not suprising that he has no cares.

But, back to the topic at land. Where is Ghey Boy Nickie? Why is he missing? Has he gone back to JW The Holy Goat? Is he devoting more time to be a man whore?

Who knows.

All we know is that time is running out for the Cruster. The doors to his church have closed, yet he is too stupid to know it.