Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

EASTER IS COMING (AND SO IS CRUSTY SO BE CAREFUL!)

Sunday, February 21st, 2010

The Easter Bitch will be going door to door looking for little children to give eggs to! If you walk into his church, it doesn’t smell that far off from eggs when the smell of cat piss is at bay! Have you ever wondered who is behind those ominous Easter Bunny suits? If we had X-Ray vision, the picture on Crustacean Quarterly Magazine is probably not far from the truth! Yes folks, when it comes to sissies, Fake Jewelry & Moans head pontiff could be in your neighborhood right now! You can’t run, you can’t hide, the Easter Bitch is coming to frackyour boys behind!! The only Easter Bunny with a Pez Dispenser full of Vicodin for the cold spring Easter day! (And another one loaded with 2mg Xanax for the nights (or any other time for that matter!)) You will usually find this particular rabbit taking off the furry boots that you see before you every hour or so to get the crust out of the pant legs. This is because it builds up about the calf’s and knees thus making it hard to sit which, as you may know, is required when trying to slice the back end of your kids pants open and sit him on the evil bunnies lap! If you see him taking off those boots and pouring what looks like snow out of each one, that means he has his target and will be hunting your neighborhood shortly! This variety of Rabbit practices the art of Feltching on the other 364 days of the year! The art of Feng Shui was just not cutting the mustard! If you want to know how to protect your neighborhood, take my advice and stash your kids somewhere away from your house! (While you’re at it, hide the cat, the dog, and the pet turtle too!) and for God’s sake, keep any and all Duct Tape out of sight! Feltching is a habit that dies hard and you don’t want your kid wrapped up in duct tape, shoved into a tube, and inserted into this bunnies ass! (Oh MY!)

If you have a gallon of gas and a shot gun, keep them close! If you hear the earie sound of what seems to mimic the sound of someone stepping on a few open boxes of corn flakes, and then seen the large blood shot eyes of this rabbit, throw the gas on his furr and shoot him thus igniting him into a large fire ball with floppy ears! (Make sure there is no kid hanging out of his ass first & Kids, Don’t try this at home!)

Yes folks, Large Game Hunting of the Markus Rabbit Ignoramus variety is not for the faint of heart! We hear at Midwest Monasteries thought we would make this public service announcement just in case one shows up in your area! As long as you remember not to panic and follow the above procedures, you will get through this with as few casualties as possible! If the Bunnie is hiding, calling his real name will sometimes get you a reaction that will distract him thus giving you time to get your kids to safety! Just yell… Markus Crustaceous Headus Giverous the III-rd. (twice removed from Rome and once from Nicky the Ghey Whores Arse!!). This has been a public service announcement by The Church of Timmy!

Armageddon in Marks the Cruster’s world

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Unfortunately, for Mark our little Cruster, the Cash for Gold store opened up right next door to Mark’s business.

Gone are the days of Mark being able to lie to people about the price for their gold when he attempts to steal it from them.

We already have Mark being too scared to make a gold purchase. Case and point when I sent my Minion into Mark’s store with a REAL gold chain to sell, but, Gay Boy Nick, figuring out that the guy was my Minion, screamed at Mark like a bitch that he worked for me, causing Mark to Crust and Flake and GIVE BACK the real gold to my minion screaming, “NOT FOR ME” over and over again until my minion left the store. But thats history.

Now we have no gold for Mark. Why would anybody walk into to Mark’s store, to see a 50 year old man with yellow crusting and flaking skin sitting behind a window wearing a greasy baseball hat and a leeering smile and a store that smells like a cat box due to the large number of cats on the premise instead of walking in to the new Cash for Gold establishment right next door, with a young hottie sitting at the desk offering to buy your gold. I think the young hottie will win out each time. But how is a cruster to eat?

First, the $22,000 worth of melted gold will not go far. When gay boy nickie spends $4900 of it at a sitting at a titty bar, in one sitting, a few more of those outings and mark the cruster has no cash. And believe me, Gay Boy Nick will need to maintain his depraved lifestyle, and without being able to steal from the Holy Goat, the cash will dry up fast.

Mark the Cruster flipped out about the new Cash for Gold place, and tried to do some business by purchasing a Sony laptop computer that some kid stole and brought into mark’s store. But, surprise suprise, the cops know all about Crusty the Fence and immediately contacted Mark and asked about why he purchased the Sony computer that was stolen, which the cops then came by and confiscated.

Its going to be really hard for mark to continue to pay is $1800 a rent when none of his stolen jewelry is selling on eBay, the Cash for Gold placed opened next door, and the cops are now going to ask about everything the Cruster and his Gay Boy Ward purchase.

Its not too late Mark. Suicide will set you free.

Whats the Cruster going to do

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

Watching the super bowl with my laptop, I thought I would check the Cruster’s ebay listings and see what kind of business he has been doing.

Hmmmm… NOTHING… well almost nothing. In the last week ALL of the Cruster’s stolen jewlery has gone off auction with NO BIDDERS… so sad… OVERPRICED crap with sucky pictures and completely bizare descriptions means no sales.

The only thing that Crusty sold in the last few weeks was a piece of Pewter for $10.49. THAT won’t pay his $1800 a month rent. LOL.

Lets do another quick exercise in Cruster Math:

Take a mens ring that has 7.1 grams of 14kt gold, which the full melt on the gold is $130.

Add a .25 ct. diamond in the middle, which, for those of you who are not jewelers, a .25 ct diamond is SO small that you might not even notice that the ring had a diamond in the center.

Lets not include the cut of the diamond. Is it a round brilliant? Is it a princess cut? who knows.

And lets keep the customer guessing. s1/s2? WHICH IS IT? and H/I? Wow, H/I is YELLOW.

So, who wants to buy a ring for $399 with a a nasty yellow chip of diamond in the middle that has a full melt value of the gold at $130? Apparently NOBODY because it did not sell.

Most people would take that piece of crap ring with a yellow tiny piece of chipped diamond and send it off to the smelter, but, not the crusters.

SO whats mark going to do? With Nick about to goto jail, and the cops breathing down on Marks neck for fencing stolen goods?

Its not going to be a good month for the Cruster. How is he going to pay his $1800 rent?

Remember this crusty: Suicide is Painless you crusting fool.

Sniff the Glove Nickie

Friday, February 5th, 2010


Get Ready for Jail Nickie… SNIFF the Glove!

What could be more GAY then a greased naked Nickie on all fours?

Monday, January 18th, 2010

A greased naked nickie…on all fours…wth a dog collar around his neck…and a leash……and a man’s arm extended out up to him holding on to the leash and pushing a black glove in his face to sniff it.

Thats right… Nickie will sniff the leather glove.

I ask you this brothers and sisters. What straight person allow himself to be greased like a pig, on all fours, wearing a dog collar and sniffing a leather glove? NO! This is the proof that Nickie is a Ghey Boy, and Mark the Cruster his Gimp.

Nick has asked us to link to his new web site. http://www.gayboynick.com. On this web site, you can purchase a subscription to see pictures of nick trussed up like a turkey, on all fours wearing a dog collar and sniffing a black leather glove, and hundreds of other pictures. All of them demonstrating nick taking his gheyness to a new level.

And the web site will have special pictures of both Mark the Cruster and Nick the ghey boy doing 1) evil and 2) naughty things.

A portion any payments to the gay boy nick web site will be used to send postcards to Nick in Jail where he will be shortly. On the GayBoyNick.com web site you can buy framed pictures of Nick and Post Cards of Nick greased naked on all fours wearing a dog collar sniffing a glove.

I ask you this Senator… Would a straight guy let himself be greased up and photographed nekkid on all fours wearing a dog collar sniffing a black leather glove… I think not!

Gay Boy Nick greased up naked wearing dog collar and sniffing a black leather glove

LOOK! IT’S MARKIN’ LUTHER KING DAY! AMEN!

Sunday, January 17th, 2010
MARTIN LUTHER KING DR.

MARKIN' LUTHER KING JR. DAY 2010

Hmmm, it seems that Mr. King would have even been insulted by this crusting fools selection of Timmy Diamonds and Crustacean Friendly Fodder!

Our quest to get Nickie the ghey whore to STFU

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

We tried and tried many different ways to get Nickie to STFU. He was always very yappy. And Nickie has a very high pitched voice. More proof that he is a homo.

This worked very well. Nick likes having Junk stuffed in his mouth.

Nickie the ball gagged homo with a whip

Lets Vote. Is Nickie a Homo? You tell me!

Friday, January 15th, 2010

Only a HOMO takes pictures hog tied like a bitch!

Only a GHEY HOMO like Nick would allow himself to be photographed hog tied like a bitch.

Look at this picture. This is the only thing that EVER kept Nickie Quiet.

I ask you this. Is Nickie A HOMO? Lets vote!


Get ThisSurvey ResultsGlowDay.com

At least Nickie can’t be YAPPY when trussed up

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

The only way to get Nickie the ghey little bitch TO STFU

Mark the Cruster is MISSING!

Saturday, January 9th, 2010

Very Strange. Mark the Cruster’s store was closed on Thursday. Nobody was there. The sign said open, but, the lights were out and the Cruster was no place to be seen.

Next Mark was missing on Friday and Saturday. Nick the thieving ghey whore has been at the store alone on Friday and Saturday.

We believe that Mark is TOO SCARED to be at his store because the police are looking for him.

Don’t worry Markie. This is the week that you will be introduced to Armagedon.

I’m facinated that Mark the Cruster leaves Nickie the Ghey Whore Thief alone at the store to run it, but, the hedious crusting illness affecting mark is rotting his brain.

Don’t forget, Mark the Cruster now has his own web site

http://www.crustaceanquarterly.com