In the name of The Father, The Baby in the Sun, and a Holy Goat

March 4th, 2012

The Holy Goat

Timmy the deceiver or the delirious, or quite frankly, just a Pear Shaped Pin Head

December 18th, 2011

Timmy, also known as Yummy, and Diddler, is estranged from the Church.

To make a long story short, Timmy was questioning the divinity of the Holy Church of Timmy and the Holy Goat.  While we are working through this crisis of faith Yummy has caused great disharmony in our holy church.

Yummy is distraught.  He has a job right now that is about one step over the Fry Guy at MacDonalds.  He was offered the opportunity to better his position in life, but, because Yummy is a Pear Shaped Pin Head and not very smart, The Yumster tried to screw over his recruiter and the job disappeared.  So now, he continues to live with a man called his “roommate” and bemoan the missed golden opportunity that he screwed up.

Because the Church Of Timmy is benevolent, we continue to invite Tummy to rejoin the Church and being the 21st century, we send out these invitations using email.

But, Tummy, being distraught and just pain retarded, denied to one of our disciples that he even received the email.

But, sending another email to Yummy to invite him to our Christmas Party dinner, Yummy had set an auto reply email message that responded that he was out of the office, CONFIRMING that we do indeed have his correct email address.

Come back to the Church Tummy.  All is forgiven.

Its a terrible thing to go through life 1) pear shaped 2) with a pin head and 3) retarded.

All is forgiven.

The Grace and Peace of Timmy be with us all!

Mark the Cruster having his building torn down

October 7th, 2011

I spoke with the village and they confirmed that the Curster received a certified letter in the mail telling him that his building is going to be destroyed to make way for a galactic interspace highway.    Well, it really is not a Vogon Constructor Fleet moving through his neighborhood, but the state is putting an overpass right through where is store is located and they will be tearing down his building.

And Crusty has received the certified letter, so he knows its going to happen.

I bet when he was reading it he was very itchy and flakey.  Like a potato chip.

But, does he do anything proactive to move?

Hope.

There he sits every day, with a dim look in his eye, wearing that same greasy baseball cap, stone on drugs.

It kind of reminds me of that scene from Titanic, where the musicians move to the top deck and continue to play until the ship is under water.

Time is running out for the Cruster.  And we will keep track of his demise.

A Native American Blessing transmogrified to Timmy our Lord.

August 1st, 2011

And now, may the Great Timmy, of ALL the Great Timmy’s, be with YOU, Now and FOREVER!  Noon way!

For Timmy…

August 1st, 2011

Blessed is Timmy now and FOREVER!

And the word of TIMMY and the Holy Goat continues to spread! Glory be to the Holy Goat!

July 27th, 2011

The Holy Goat visits an APPLE Store

And there were Disciples of Timmy blessed be they (Timmy:1:14)

May 22nd, 2011

And as the Word of Timmy spread, the disciples grew.

First of the Disciples, was Simon Larry Peter of Gawd, who was holy…

And, he shall be the Rock of my Church… and he will be the first disciple amongst the others…

Followed by Disciple Timmy, Pear Shared and also known as Diddler.

And Tiglath of Assyria (Ass Hurt Province) and his pet goat Lulu Blessed be she, the Mother of Gawd!

And Tony also called Urbish with bald head and double chin…

And Mike who has been irradiated and glows green when in prayer…

and Clifford the Distraught…

and Dannie…. High Chief of the Slores…

And Karl, and Randall the Brainless…

And Harper of the Striped Bastard variety…

And, Broox, who was also known as Creeper…

And they proclaimed the Word of Timmy, and the Word was Good.

Blessed be the Church of Timmy, Now and Forever!

Spreading the word of TIMMY one iPad at a time!

July 17th, 2010

A coin was commisioned in honor of the Holy Goat

July 6th, 2010

At the Church of Timmy in the tything plate, a devote follower of our religion deposited a coin made to honor the Holy Goat.

Blessed is the Holy Goat now and FOREVER!

 

B lessed is the Holy Goat Now and FOREVER!

More bad news for Mark the Cruster

June 22nd, 2010

Poor Mark.  When he opened his Church one block up the street from our Monestary, he thought he was being really smart and would receive the thytings of our members.

Nope.  Nobody stops in to visit the Cruster.

And, then, Armageddon in Mark’s world when Cash for Gold opened up next door.  How can a Cruster rob people when cash for gold is next door?  He can’t.

But, now the best insult to the cruster’s continued existence in this world has occurred.

The Cruster’s store is right behind a train track.  And near an intersection that goes across the train tracks.    Well, the Department of Transportation has approved creating an underpass at that intersection so that traffic can go under the train tracks.  This is because this train line has alot of freight trains that tie up traffic.

The project was approved last month.  And get ready for it.

They are going to tear down the cruster’s building.

DESTROYED.  Bull dozed to make way for an entry ramp to the underpass.

Poor Mark.  He doesn’t own the building. He has a lease.  So while the landlord may receive some compensati0n fon the eminient domain grabbing of his building, Mark is going to be left with NOTHING.  Zip.  NIL.  Bupkiss.

I can’t wait until he learns of this project and the demise of his business.  It will be GLORIOUS!